Look At Me
by Brit Columbia
Summary: Dee guesses Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses.
1. Chapter 1

**Look At Me**

Pairing: Dee/Ryo

Rating: Mature

Notes: Kissing between two men. Sexually suggestive situation.

Spoilers: To Volume 6

Timing: Set in November a couple of months or so after the aborted "test drive"

Summary: Dee guesses Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Sanami Matoh. I am not making any money from this.

This is the first chapter of four. I'll post the rest in the next few days.

Thank you to my beta, Blue Simplicity. I'm so lucky to have you!

**Look at Me**

Chapter one

Dee watched surreptitiously from across the room as Ryo hooked a finger in his collar and subtly loosened his tie. It was his considered opinion that Ryo needed to get off. No one else would have noticed anything, but Dee had developed a special Ryo-radar that was almost never wrong. Ryo was working diligently on a stack of files, making notes at intervals, and cross-referencing them. To the untrained eye, he looked deeply absorbed in his work. Dee, however, suspected that there was some pretty heavy-duty sexual-type energy smoldering just underneath the surface. It was evident in the way that Ryo would pause every so often and shift subtly in his seat. In addition, Ryo was keeping his eyes on his work in what struck Dee as a state of unnatural concentration and the man hadn't once looked up at his partner or even around the room for the last hour. But mostly Dee knew it by the blush that advanced and receded at intervals, apparently for no reason at all. Yeah, right. If Ryo was blushing, there was usually a reason. Ryo was thinking about sex, or rather, trying not to, and Dee planned to exploit this unexpected opportunity. But he meant to do it as underhandedly as possible so that he could enjoy the sight of his handsome partner getting more and more turned on. Also, it was imperative that he not reveal his true intentions until it was too late for Ryo to twig to what he was up to and shut everything down. If he played his cards right, there were definitely a few kisses to be had later, and this time, maybe something more.

Dee checked his watch. Ten fifteen. They were off in 45 minutes. He mentally ran over what he knew about Ryo's schedule in his head. It was Tuesday. That meant Bikky had had basketball practice earlier and had hopefully tuckered himself out. Ryo had been on the phone with him several times during the evening, making sure the brat had put the meat pie Ryo had made for him in the oven, that he was doing his homework both before and after dinner, and that he had remembered to turn the oven off. Bikky was grounded as usual. Dee couldn't remember why, but it had been something to do with one of the neighbours.

"Hey Ryo," he ventured.

"Mm?" Ryo answered without raising his eyes from his work.

"Whatcha doin' later?

"Oh, shower and bed, I guess."

Dee paused and waited for the blush to come back. He had guessed that it would as soon as Ryo had said the word 'bed'. He was right.

"Don't tell me you're gonna go to bed early tonight."

"What do you mean, 'early'?" Ryo's eyes flickered in his direction for a half a second. "It's likely to be close to midnight by the time I get home."

"Yeah, but you don't work again until three tomorrow."

"Well maybe I have a few things I'd like to get done tomorrow." Ryo closed one file and opened another.

"Do me a favour, bud."

"What is it this time?" Ryo sounded suspicious. There was another brief moment of eye contact.

"Can I crash at your place tonight?"

"Again?"

"Whaddaya mean 'again'? I haven't crashed at your place for at least a week."

"Dee." This time Ryo fixed him with a stern look. Dee smiled inwardly. He knew that look well and so did Bikky. But before Ryo could continue, Dee cut back in.

"Oh come on, dude. The shower's busted at my apartment again, and I sure could use one." Dee stretched both arms languorously above his head and sniffed his armpit. He knew this action was making his T-shirt tighten across his pecs. He observed that Ryo's gaze fell on his chest for a moment before jumping away.

"You've used that excuse too many times. I don't believe there's anything wrong with your shower whatsoever."

"Ryo, I swear I'm telling the truth. If you don't believe me we can stop by my place and check."

"Dee, I'm not gonna do that at this time of night, and besides, why should I waste my time when I already know you're lying?"

"Oh, that hurts, dude."

"Why don't you just take a shower in the locker room before you leave?"

"What? That's not the safest place for a hot-looking bastard like me to get all wet and soapy." Dee grinned, silently congratulating himself for planting that image in Ryo's mind. "Do you have any idea how many guys hit on me in there?"

"Huh?" Ryo looked full at him, alarmed. His face suddenly went a couple of degrees pinker.

"Kidding, dolt. God you're easy. So far JJ's the only one. Though I think if Claire from traffic could get into the men's locker room, I'd really have a problem."

"Claire? She likes you?"

"She's hot for my body, man."

"She's quite pretty, as I recall."

"Yeah, not bad." Dee looked away from Ryo because he knew that if he did, Ryo would then look at him. Sometimes he felt as if he spent every waking moment trying to make Ryo look at him.

"Are you...Are you gonna ask her out?" Ryo's tone was so overly casual, that Dee wanted to laugh. Of course he didn't dare.

"Nah," he said. "She's not what I want." He managed to hold Ryo's gaze for two long seconds.

"Well, I'm sure you'll find the right girl someday." Ryo's attention returned to his writing pad and files.

"Or boy."

"Mmph."

"So, how 'bout it?" Dee's tone was a little more seductive than he'd intended.

"H-how about what?" Ryo's pencil suddenly skittered away from him and he made an unsuccessful grab for it.

"Your place. Me. Showering and crashing. Come on, pleeeeeease? Don't forget -- I'M back here in this shit-heap at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow, unlike you."

Ryo heaved a resigned sigh. "I suppose you'll be wanting to borrow a shirt for work tomorrow too?"

"Dude, you're the best friend a guy could have."

"Yeah, yeah. Now why don't we BOTH get some work done before quitting time?"

"Whatever you say. Man, I'm looking forward to that shower. Hey, have you still got that special gel your aunt gave you? That stuff makes a really good lather. I want to--"

"Dee, cut it out. No more soap stories. I have to phone Bikky anyway and make sure he gets his butt into bed." Ryo hastily picked up the phone.

They worked in companionable silence until eleven p.m. Although Dee's attention was not exactly on his work, he didn't attempt to engage his partner in any more conversation. He had achieved his objective and he wanted Ryo to go back to thinking about whatever had been getting him so hot and bothered before.

Dee would have given just about anything to know what that was.

&&&&&&

end of chapter one


	2. Chapter 2

**Look At Me**

**Chapter 2**

Pairing: Dee/Ryo

Rating: Mature

Notes: Kissing between two men.

Spoilers: To Volume 6

Timing: Set in November a couple of months or so after the aborted "test drive"

Summary: Dee guesses Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Sanami Matoh. I am not making any money from this.

This is the second chapter of four. I'll post the rest before the end of the weekend.

Thank you to my beta, Blue Simplicity. I appreciate your feedback and encouragement so much.

**Look at Me**

Chapter two

The two detectives entered Ryo's dark and still apartment and turned on the light. Ryo rested a hand on the TV set.

"It's still warm," he said to Dee with a little frown. "Go ahead and hop in the shower if you want. I'm going to have a word with B."

"Hey, you got any sweats I can borrow so I don't have to sleep in the same stinky clothes I've been wearing all day?"

"You know where I keep them -- help yourself," Ryo called over his shoulder.

As Dee showered, he wondered how long it would take for Bikky to actually fall into real sleep instead of the fake sleep that Ryo was about to shake him out of. If he felt Bikky was awake, Ryo would be less likely to go for the make-out session that Dee was planning to lure him into.

He emerged from the shower to find Ryo straightening up the mess Bikky had left in the kitchen.

"It's all yours," he said, indicating the bathroom, but Ryo barely looked at him. Dee decided to fix that immediately. After all, he'd come out of the shower shirtless for a reason. He padded over to Ryo and said, "Hey, you want a hand with that?"

"Sure, thanks." Ryo turned toward him with a grateful smile.

Dee picked up Ryo's right hand with his left and, with his other hand, removed the sponge that his partner had been holding.

"I'll clean up the kitchen while you have a shower," he offered but without letting go of Ryo's hand. Nor did Ryo move away. The silence lengthened between them until Dee gave Ryo's hand a little squeeze and let it go. Ryo opened his mouth to say something, but then closed it again. He just nodded and left the kitchen.

Dee wiped counters and washed dishes while listening like a hare for any sounds that might be coming out of the bathroom apart from the soft hiss of cascading water. He felt there was a good chance that Ryo was jerking off in there -- after all, he had a lot of pent-up pressure to relieve due to all the energy he habitually put out convincing himself and others that he was really an asexual sort of person whose primary interest was his career. However, Dee didn't hear anything even remotely like a sigh or a moan. He told himself to just be patient. _I'll know by his face and body language the minute I see him, _he reminded himself and filled the waiting with scrubbing and rinsing.

When Ryo came into the bedroom wrapped in his robe, Dee was already there and sitting on the bed. Ryo felt the other man's eyes on him as he opened the third drawer of his dresser and withdrew a set of pajamas. He looked at Dee and hesitated. He was leery about changing in front of his partner due to more than one past experience of getting jumped while half clothed.

"Oh you can change here," Dee said with a smirk. "I promise to try my very hardest not to look for at least the first eight seconds." He was looking pleased or relieved about something, and Ryo briefly wondered what it was.

"I think I'll put them on in the living room, thanks," said Ryo wryly.

"Why don't you just turn out the light and do it under cover of darkness?"

"Well, I'm not going to come to bed right away. I was gonna go watch some TV for a bit."

"Aw come on, hold off on the TV for awhile. Stay here and talk to me at least until I fall asleep. It's so hard to fall asleep when you've just come home from work, y'know?" Dee was fiddling with Ryo's alarm clock.

_Home_? thought Ryo, but let it go. "Well...okay." He sat down on the bed still in his robe. "But don't try anything. I'm warning you."

"Who me? When did I -- Oh never mind." Dee grinned rakishly. "Hey, could you check this? I've set it for 6:00."

Ryo took the alarm clock from his hand and frowned at it. "Yeah, you set it properly, but I think you should get up earlier than this. You know what a slug you are in the morning and how long it takes you to get ready."

"Yeah, but I'll be fast tomorrow, scout's honour."

"Famous last words, and I don't believe you were ever a scout."

"Nah, I was a too much of a bad boy. But I bet you were."

"Yeah, I was for a while." Ryo smiled. "How'd you know?"

"Dude! Fellow detective here. Besides, you're just so the type."

"What's the type?"

"Oh you know, clean cut, dutiful, obedient, team player, punctual...hmmm... respectful, butter wouldn't melt...Am I missing anything?" Dee stretched out on the bed beside Ryo and punched him playfully.

Ryo was surprised. "Is that how you see me?"

"No. That's how you want people to see you."

"Oh." Ryo was both intrigued and annoyed. "Well how do you see me then?"

"Most of that other stuff I mentioned, plus a few other things."

"Like what?"

"I'll answer your question if you want, but you have to promise not to get mad and throw me out of here, okay?"

Ryo abruptly stood up. "Well, if you think I'm gonna get mad, then this is probably not a subject we should be discussing at twelve-thirty a.m. on a work night. Good night, Dee. Try not to get into any trouble in your dreams."

Just as he opened the door, Dee called out, "Ryo!" That made him quickly shut the door and hiss, "Shhhh! Bikky's sleeping."

"Ryo," Dee continued more softly. "Don't you wanna know which of your secrets I already know?"

Ryo hesitated. He felt a very familiar sense of anxiety, the same one he often felt whenever he found himself alone with Dee. No, that wasn't strictly true. It wasn't just anxiety. He had to admit that he got a lot of pleasure from Dee's company, even though Dee regularly exasperated him. And recently, ever since their aborted 'test drive', there was this little frisson of anticipation as well. He was worried about what his partner might do, but actually he was more worried about how he, himself, might react. He didn't understand the effect that the other man had on him, but he instinctively knew that if he allowed himself to pass through that particular door, he would never be able to return to the way things were now. And the way they were was not too bad, really, apart from the occasional bout of sexual frustration, like tonight. Oh, why had he allowed Dee to come home with him tonight of all nights? That was just asking for trouble. But somehow he had never been able to say no to Dee. Everyone else, yes, but Dee? Almost impossible. That was yet another thing that he didn't understand.

Apart from his anxiety, he was also quite curious. He felt that Dee and he knew each other very well, and as his partner had pointed out, they were both detectives. If anyone had had the opportunity, the motivation, and the ability to figure out the hidden parts of his past and his personality, it was Dee. But...did he really want to hear his carefully guarded secrets coming out of Dee's mouth? Well, maybe his partner would turn out to be way off base on most of them. He knew Dee was good at his job, but even the best detectives had to have something concrete to work with. Ryo had hidden his more serious secrets very carefully. Dee would have had nothing to go on. What the hell. It might be worth a good laugh to hear what he had to say; perhaps it couldn't hurt to hear one or two...

Dee had rolled over onto his stomach when Ryo had started for the door, and was now propped up on his elbows watching Ryo struggle with his curiosity. When Ryo took his hand off the knob and turned around, Dee knew he had him. He grinned and patted the edge of the bed.

"Come sit down, partner. 'Sherlock' Laytner will entertain you with his dead-on impressions of you."

&&&&&&&&

end of chapter two


	3. Chapter 3

**Look at Me**

Chapter 3

Pairing: Dee/Ryo

Rating: Mature

Notes: Kissing between two men.

Spoilers: To Volume 6

Timing: Set in November a couple of months or so after the aborted "test drive"

Summary: Dee guesses Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Sanami Matoh. I am not making any money from this. I do it for love alone.

This is the Third chapter of four. I'll post the rest either Saturday night or Sunday morning.

Blue Simplicity, my dear friend and fellow cat-lover, THANK YOU SO MUCH for agreeing to be my beta.

**Look At Me**

chapter three

Ryo remained standing by the door. "I don't believe you know any of my secrets," he said softly, still mindful of his foster son in the bedroom next to his.

"Oh, but that's where you would be wrong, Dr. Watson. I said dead-on and I meant it. How can you doubt me?"

"Well, you HAVE been wrong before, Dee. What about that time you got us all in trouble with the commissioner because you said he'd never figure out that you rigged the coffee machine to accept only nick-"

"Okay, okay, don't remind me." Dee shook his head. "Point taken."

But Ryo was on a roll. "And remember when you bet $50 that the person sending all those chocolates and flowers to Janet was Janet herself, and really it turned out to be Alan from Records?"

"Now just cut that out. You sayin' I'm no good at guessing secrets and predicting things? Well, those were just a couple of isolated times where I happened to be a tad off base. I still say I've got a special talent for discovering people's secrets."

This earned him a snort of amusement from his best friend.

"All right then. In that case, let's make this a little more interesting. You game?"

"Depends."

"For every one of your secrets I guess correctly, I get a kiss. And I'm talking a REAL kiss, not one of those little pecks you waste on the monkey brat."

"Well, I don't know..."

"Come on, I've kissed you lots of times before and you didn't grow fangs or claws, did you?

"Well...no, but..."

"Well get over here then."

Ryo approached warily. "Maybe I should get into my pajamas first," he said.

Dee waved a dismissive hand. "Nah, not necessary. This won't take long." He pulled himself up into a sitting position and grinned at Ryo, enjoying the thought of his partner's naked body underneath his loosely tied robe.

Ryo smiled back but after a second or two of eye contact, the smiles fell away from both of their faces. _Dee's eyes,_ Ryo thought. _What is it about them? Why do I feel like I'm drowning? _ He wrenched his gaze away and exhaled shakily. It was only then that he realized he had been holding his breath.

Dee was pleased that Ryo had allowed a few seconds of uninterrupted eye contact. It seemed like for the last couple of months, Ryo had been finding any excuse to avoid really looking at him. He hoped it was a good thing, but he couldn't be sure. In any case, eye contact was integral to his goal of eventually winning his skittish partner over. The trouble was that whenever Ryo really looked at him like that, it took everything he had not to jump him then and there.

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Tell me."

"Okay, secret number one. You haven't been laid for almost three years."

The blood rushed to Ryo's face and the blush spread down his neck and onto his chest. "Wh--what?" He sputtered. He stared at Dee in shock.

"On your vacation to the Cook Islands? Approximately six months before you made detective?"

"You...you remember that I went there? That was before I knew you."

"Yeah, but remember when we got to talking and you showed me your pictures? It was that chick Margaret, the one with the dark hair and the long legs."

Ryo was flabbergasted. "You know, Dee, I never told you anything about her..."

"Well? Am I right? Cook Islands, Margaret, three years ago? And no nooky since then."

"How the hell did you know?"

Dee shrugged. "She was in most of your pictures, more often than any of those other people you were hanging out with at that resort. And you remembered her name right away when I asked you. It was the way you talked about her, dude, not what you actually said."

"And how do you know I haven't...had sex with anyone since then?" Ryo asked defensively. He had been caught off guard and felt irritated with Dee.

"I just know. I would know right away if you did."

"Because hopefully it would be with you, right?" Ryo snapped.

"Yeah, hopefully." Dee smiled at him, sweeping aside the challenging tone in the other man's voice with his open admiration.

Ryo simply couldn't stay angry with Dee while he was looking at him like that. He tried to hold on to his anger because it was a good defense mechanism for him, but it ebbed away before he could contain it. He sighed and looked down at the bed.

"Had enough?" Dee asked. "Because I have more."

"Umm..." Ryo's voice was uncertain. "Well, maybe one more. And after that you really have to get some sleep."

"First I want my kiss."

"Oh! Ehr...Um, okay, but make it quick. And just a kiss, no groping."

Dee moved in on him and gently took Ryo's jaw in his hand. "We agreed on a 'real' kiss, remember? All real kisses include a little bit of touching."

Ryo's protest was stilled by the descent of Dee's mouth onto his own. Panic flared up in him, only to be pushed aside by excitement. Dee was a good kisser. No, a great kisser. How else to explain why a straight man would find himself melting in the arms of another man? His heart sped up and thumped against Dee's chest. Dee's right arm went around him and sensuously caressed his back. Ryo knew he should pull away but...it just felt so good. Dee's mouth left his and went to the side of his neck. Almost of its own volition, Ryo's head fell back to allow him access.

"Dee," he murmured thickly.

"Shh, baby," Dee soothed

"Dee...mmmmmhh... stop, we should stop."

"And we WILL stop. For sure. In a minute." Dee hoped to keep Ryo's focus on his neck long enough for him to slide the other man's robe down off one of his shoulders. God, Ryo had sexy shoulders.

Ryo suddenly understood that he was being undressed and a jolt went through his body. He began trying to extricate himself from the embrace of his oh-so-pushy partner. "Dee! Stop that! This is way more than a kiss!"

"Aw come on, dude. I wasn't gonna go much further than that."

"Like hell. Now let go of me, or this game is over right now."

"Okay, I will, but one more kiss, okay?"

Ryo pushed at his chest. "Definitely not! You've had your kiss...and more! Dee, I'm serious!"

Dee let go of him reluctantly, watching as Ryo scooted further away from him across the bed. Their struggles had loosened Ryo's robe to a fascinating degree. One shapely leg was completely exposed, almost to the groin. His flat hard stomach and most of his chest, which was heaving indignantly, was also on display. Dee looked at it wistfully and sighed.

Glaring at Dee, Ryo yanked the robe back into place so that he was even more covered up than before.

"I knew I should have changed into my pajamas," he snapped and cast about on the bed for them. Dee had arranged things so that he was actually sitting on them, and was hoping Ryo wouldn't notice. He decided to try to distract Ryo, because knowing that Ryo's body was nude and defenseless under the robe was terribly exciting and he wanted to keep it that way. He hoped to delay the onset of the pajama moment for as long as possible. Who knew -- he might get another feel in on the next kiss.

"Dude, don't worry about it. We're almost done anyway. Besides, you're on your guard now, right?"

"I would just feel better if..."

"Come on, let's just do the next one. You ready to hear secret number two?"

"This one had better not be about sex." Ryo stared determinedly at the wall, his mouth set in a prim line.

"Really? Okay, in that case let's skip the second one and go straight to the third." Dee paused dramatically to force Ryo's eyes back over to his. It worked. Ryo looked at him expectantly, his shower-damp hair hanging in silky tendrils around his face. His skin looked positively luminous in the low light. This time it was Dee who looked away. His tongue flicked out to moisten lips gone suddenly dry.

Although he pretended not to be, Ryo had been aware of the way Dee was looking at him. It always confused him when Dee looked at him like that with what appeared to be tenderness and adoration in his eyes. He was so used to classifying Dee as a bit of a lech, at least where HE was concerned, anyway. He was aware of the need to guard his body from unauthorized caresses, but occasionally he felt as though Dee were caressing his very soul and he didn't know what to do with that feeling. He pulled the robe even tighter about himself and then crossed his legs.

"I'm waiting," he reminded Dee.

"Okay. Here we go. You, Ryo McLean, pacifist and by-the-book cop, have a serious gun collection. And they ain't all of them legal."

Ryo couldn't help the spasm of shock that went through him when he heard those words. "WHAT the HELL?"

"Shh, Bikky's sleeping." Dee reminded him calmly. He couldn't help smirking a little, though. "And close your mouth, or I might start to get ideas."

"There's no way--Nobody--Wait a minute! Did my uncle Rick tell you?"

"So THAT'S where they are!" Dee was triumphant. "Your uncle is looking after them for you, isn't he?"

Completely speechless, Ryo didn't know where to look.

"No, your uncle didn't tell me," Dee continued. "I've never met him, remember? And neither did your aunt for several reasons. I'm guessing that one of them is that perhaps she doesn't know about the guns. Right?"

"Well, she knows about a couple of them," muttered Ryo. He had drawn his feet up onto the bed and had his arms protectively wrapped around his knees in front of his body. He glanced at Dee almost shyly.

"Pretty good, huh?" Dee demanded, grinning in a very self-satisfied way.

"How on earth did you figure that out? I'm quite sure I've never mentioned it to you or anyone at work."

"Well, I didn't really have any evidence. It was mostly a hunch because of two things I noticed about you. First, you're always looking for an excuse to polish your rifle, and second, you're so much more knowledgeable about firearms than the average cop."

"I think all sharpshooters are."

"Yeah but not like you. For example, JJ doesn't know half of what you know. I tested you a couple of times by dropping the names of obscure handguns. He didn't pick up on them, but you knew all about them. I figured there had to be a collection somewhere, but I was pretty sure it wouldn't be here in this apartment."

"Am I really so obvious?"

"Nah. Only to me. That's because learning everything I can about what makes Ryo McLean tick is my life's work..." Dee's voice dropped and became huskier.

"Dee! What are you doing?"

"Claiming my kiss, stupid."

"I want your hands where I can see them."

"Dude, if you're planning to keep your eyes open, then this kiss doesn't count. In a REAL kiss, both parties have their eyes closed." He nuzzled Ryo's jaw.

"Okay, well, put your hands behind your back, then."

Dee's lips traced along the opposite side of Ryo's jaw now. "How 'bout I put one behind my back and just keep the other one down here on the bed for balance?"

Ryo gritted his teeth at the audacity of his partner, determined not to respond this time. But Dee's warm breath was on his face and the other man's teeth gently tugged at his lower lip and he suddenly found himself eager for the kiss to progress. Dee's lips moved teasingly over his from side to side, and then his tongue slid up under Ryo's upper lip and traced the line of it from the inside. Ryo's tongue came out to meet Dee's and the kiss began in earnest. Ryo usually tried not to put his arms around Dee when they were kissing, opting to cling to his partner's clothing instead, but occasionally he just couldn't help himself and his body refused to obey the strictures of his mind. One of his arms stole around Dee's neck; the other went around his back, and he pressed his chest almost wantonly against Dee's. Dee's tongue was in his mouth now, exploring the set of his teeth and the underside of his tongue. Ryo captured it and sucked on it, then Dee's tongue withdrew and Ryo's followed it into the other man's mouth, where Dee returned the favour. Somebody was making little gasping and moaning sounds, and distantly, Ryo came to the realization that it was him.

He was awash in a tide of desire. He could feel it in the way his heart was pounding and his breathing had become heavier. The air felt different, thicker somehow, and his head seemed to be spinning. Blood coursed through his veins with every thump of his heart and he realized to his chagrin that his penis was fully erect. How could that be? He was with a man. He wasn't gay! What the hell was his body telling him? Suddenly he felt afraid. He was pretty sure that Dee had already figured out that he had an erection.

He tried pulling away, but it didn't work because Dee was pushing him down on the bed, and now the other man's weight was partially on him. If he didn't escape soon, something terrible would happen. He would give in and lose his identity, lose his heart, lose his dignity and ultimately lose his best friend. A wave of panic washed over Ryo.

"Okay, Dee, enough!" Was that his voice? He didn't sound like himself. Dammit, suddenly he didn't know himself.

"What was that? Can't hear ya," Dee's voice was muffled because he was once again working on Ryo's neck. One of his hands began to travel down Ryo's torso. Ryo stopped it with desperate strength. That was enough to arrest Dee's attention, and he stopped what he was doing and took a good look at Ryo.

"You're freaking out, aren't you?"

Ryo nodded.

"Is it because your dick got hard?"

"Shit, Dee!" Ryo exclaimed in shock, anger and humiliation.

"Well, is it?"

"Look, Dee, I keep trying to tell you. I'm...I'm not gay. Nor am I bi. I don't know why I have these reactions when you kiss me. It's one of the mysteries of the universe. Now get off me, please. It's late and I'm tired and I want to go watch TV and forget that this happened."

Ryo was unprepared for the sudden hurt that flared in Dee's eyes, as well as the rare blush that spread over his cheeks. Dee hid the hurt immediately by tossing his head so that his hair fell forward over his eyes. He pulled back from Ryo and Ryo was aware of an inexplicable sense of loss as the warm, hard body left his. He sat up and pulled the robe around himself again. He felt a little awkward. He felt like he should say something to lighten the moment a little, but nothing good came to his mind. Just then he spotted his rumpled but still folded pajamas under one of Dee's thighs. He reached for them, and Dee silently moved out of the way so that Ryo could pick them up.

Dee spoke. "You can change here," he said. "I'm goin' for a smoke anyway." He swung his legs over the bed and headed for the door. "Don't lock me out, 'kay?"

" 'Kay," Ryo murmured softly.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

end of chapter three


	4. Chapter 4

**Look at Me**

Chapter four

Pairing: Dee/Ryo

Rating: Mature

Notes: Kissing between two men.

Spoilers: To Volume 6

Timing: Set in November a couple of months or so after the aborted "test drive"

Summary: Dee guesses Ryo's secrets in exchange for kisses

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of Sanami Matoh. I am not making any money from this. I do it for love alone.

This is the final chapter. Thank you to all the people who have been waiting patiently for me to finally update it. Hope you like it.

Thank you Blue Simplicity for beta-ing my work for me!

**Look At Me **

Chapter 4

Ryo sat on the sofa flipping channels aimlessly and waiting for Dee to come back. It took a long time. There was probably more than one cigarette being smoked out there on the fire escape at the end of the hall. He felt bad about what had happened, but didn't know how to make it right. He realized his behaviour must be frustrating for Dee. Even he had to admit that he was sending his younger partner mixed messages. He just...he just didn't know how to stop doing that. After all, it wasn't like he was doing it on purpose.

When Dee re-entered the apartment, he hung up the coat he had thrown on over his bare chest and kicked off his shoes. A glance at the sofa told him that Ryo had fallen asleep in front of the TV, the remote held loosely in one hand. Dee padded noiselessly into the bedroom to retrieve his original clothes.

Ryo started awake just as Dee was putting on his coat for the second time.

"Dee, don't go," he called out softly.

"I think it's best if I do."

"No it's not. It's better if you stay."

"Look, Ryo, you don't have to go feeling all guilty. It's not your fault."

Ryo rose from the sofa and approached him.

"It is," he said. "It's at least half my fault."

Dee paused and looked at him.

"How's that?" he asked.

"Well you do your seduction thing, and I respond. That encourages you and you do it some more. Then I freak out and throw cold water all over you."

"I'm a big boy; I can handle it."

_Yeah, but for how long?_ thought Ryo. Aloud, he said, "Hey, I'm a guy too. That's happened to me before. I know what it feels like and it isn't fun."

Dee was silent.

Ryo reached out and tentatively touched his arm. "I'm sorry," he said simply. "I'm...confused. It's a big decision. I don't know what to do."

Dee's eyes softened. "I know baby," he whispered. "And I don't want you confused. I want you sure. And whatever you decide, I'm still here, you got that? 'Cause you ain't never getting rid of me."

Ryo stepped a little closer and said, "So you forgive me then?"

Dee sensed that he wanted a hug. "Only if you forgive me," he said and opened his arms. Ryo stepped into their comforting circle.

It wasn't a brief, macho guy-hug. It was more like an embrace between lovers. Ryo rested his head on Dee's shoulder, and Dee rested his face against Ryo's hair. He could feel Ryo's arms around his back. Time stood still for the time it took for all the tension to drain out of their bodies.

Presently Ryo stirred and stepped back a pace.

"So you'll stay then?"

"Well..." Dee pretended to be hesitant. "Can I cuddle you?"

"Umm...okay, but I don't want to wake up in the middle of a porn scene, do you hear me?"

Dee looked offended, as though he'd never even so much as thought about putting the moves on his partner before.

"I said I wanted you willing, didn't I? Don't worry. I'll behave. Cuddling's good."

"Let's hit the sack then," Ryo suggested. "You have to get up in only four hours."

As Ryo's bedroom door closed behind them Bikky's opened and the kid staggered sleepily toward the bathroom. As he went past Ryo's room, he heard Dee's voice saying,

"Hey, does the cuddling come with a good night kiss?"

Ryo's voice replied, "Not this time. Now go to sleep."

_Good on ya, Ryo,_ Bikky thought to himself. _Keep up the good_ _fight.__Damned pervert should keep his lips to himself._

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

The alarm went off at seven fifteen. Ryo's first thought was that Dee was going to be late and he rolled over to shake his partner awake. Dee's side of the bed was empty. Well, not completely empty. There was a folded piece of paper there that said "RYO" on it in block letters. Curious, and perhaps with a little apprehension, Ryo picked it up. Just then he realized the alarm was still beeping and that it wasn't even in his room.

Bikky's voice was heard cursing in the room next door. Ryo quickly stuffed the unopened note under his pillow and got up to see what was happening.

Resentfully, Bikky thrust the alarm clock into Ryo's hands.

"Tryin' to tell me something?" he snarled.

Ryo looked perplexedly from Bikky to the alarm clock and back again. It dawned on both of them at the same time what Dee had done. Ryo's reaction was to throw back his head and laugh, much to the indignation of Bikky, who just cursed harder.

"Are you on the dorkhead's side, or what?" he demanded.

"Well, B, he does have a point. You're gonna be a teenager in the next few months. Maybe it's time you started getting yourself up for school."

"What the hell?"

"When I was only a little bit older than you, I had to get myself up in the mornings and do a lot of things for myself. My parents were away on business a lot. I learned to be self-sufficient."

"Jesus, here we go again," muttered Bikky, rolling his eyes. "Tell me later, Ryo. I'm gonna take a friggin' shower. Gotta get ready for friggin' school."

When he heard the water running, Ryo hurried back into his bedroom to read the note.

_Dear Ryo, _

_I wrote this down because when I try to talk it often comes out all wrong and ends up not being what I wanted to say. So I'm writing this while freezing my ass off on the fire escape. When I described the Boy Scout in you, I left a couple of things out. Here they are with details. This is how I see you._

_Yeah, you're a team player, but underneath you're competing with all of us. But you'll never leave me in the dust because I plan to be your partner for as long as possible, and wherever you transfer, I'll follow._

_Clean cut, punctual, and dutiful, that's true. Can't argue there. Respectful...only up to a point and only because you think it's good career politics. Deep down you don't have as much respect as you pretend, either for the people or even the law itself._

_Obedient: now there's an interesting one. I'd like to find out someday._

_Honest? Mostly yeah. But not with me and more importantly, not with yourself._

_The biggest secret: when I said you're going for a 'butter wouldn't melt' image? Well you're not fooling me, Ryo McLean. Don't ever eat any butter in public because it will instantly turn molten from the heat of your mouth and will spill down your chin and run down your chest and then someone will have to lick it off you._

_I got a few more to add and then I'm done. Kind, helpful, handsome, absolutely one hundred per cent beautiful inside and out. Passionate, devoted, funny, smart, brave, loyal. I'm so proud to be your partner. And your friend. Whether or not we ever become more than friends, I just want to be near you, be a part of your life. I know you don't want to believe me, but I'm in love with you, body and soul._

_I hope that someday you will look at me and see that it's true._

The note was unsigned, but Ryo would know Dee's scrawl anywhere. It was a love letter, he realized. A bit abrasive, like Dee himself, but a declaration of feelings nonetheless. He read it through again and then folded it up and tucked it thoughtfully inside his diary in the nightstand drawer. This would bear thinking about.

When Bikky stalked out of the bathroom, leaving a trail of wet footprints behind him, Ryo was waiting.

"There's oatmeal on the stove," he said, "and sandwiches in your book bag."

Bikky called out a thank-you just before slamming the door to his room.

Ryo took his turn in the shower, moving and thinking in slow motion. He had several errands to run before his shift later at 3:00 p.m., and he wanted to get out the door and get on with them. But he found his thoughts kept turning toward work.

_I hope Dee managed to get us an appointment with the Newton assault case witness, _he thought_. And I wonder if he remembered to get those photos back down to evidence. I don't think he ate any breakfast. I bet he's not making any progress on those files. _He couldn't help fretting about the details of the various cases they were working on.

By the time he finished his shower, though, he had come to a decision. He was going to head into work a little early. Maybe if he got there by one p.m., Dee wouldn't have eaten lunch yet. Cheered, he returned to the bedroom to dress.

"Bye, Ryo! " The door banged behind Bikky and Ryo heard his feet thundering down the stairs outside his apartment door. He shook his head slightly. That boy was always rushing, always late for something. The only thing he was never late for was basketball.

Ryo checked his appearance one more time in the mirror over the dresser. Not bad at all. His eyes fell on the nightstand beside his bed. He opened the drawer, withdrew the letter from Dee and tucked it into his wallet.

Chuckling to himself a little, he left his apartment and walked toward the subway stop.

_He thinks _I'm _funny?_ He thought to himself. _I guess he doesn't know me as well as all that._

But he was smiling to himself all through the train ride downtown.

**end**


End file.
